Confessions...

Lets see if I can actually post this, I have written three or four blog posts but I have been unable to finish them for some reason.  Today I just feel like it is time to post something.  I really want this to be a place where I can share my hopes, dreams, upsets, frustrations, and exciting things.  Lately I feel like my life has been full of upsets, frustrations, and dreams than exciting things.  I have been putting up a strong front for so long and I feel like it is crumbling down.  My hope is by sharing some feelings here I can get past them and start over, kind of like a new year with new beginnings.

First, my husband is still without a job.  We are going on 5 months now that he has not been able to get a job.  He has applied for thousands of jobs all across the country.  We have had a couple of hopefuls but nothing has come of them. It's not really about not having the money coming in (although it would be nice to have more money coming in) but it is more about my husband.  My heart breaks for him, he is trying his absolute hardest to find a job.  He has not given up for one second he keeps pressing forward.  He is such a hard worker and has so many amazing skills and qualities.  I can see that the more thanks but no thanks responses that he has been getting have started to effect him.  I wish I could go to those companies and shake them and say, "you are missing out on one of the hardest workers out there.  Yes he may not have as much experience yet but if you just give him one chance you will be amazed at what he can do."  Unfortunately I can't do that.  I feel like I am a broken record for saying be patient something will come and quite honestly I can't be patient anymore.  I just don't understand why and maybe I never will.  I just have to ask if anyone knows of any Online Marketing or Account Manager positions out there to please let me know.  We are willing to go wherever a job takes us. Thank you!

Second,  at times in my life I feel like such a failure.  I have tried to set goals for myself and I just find myself failing at everything.  I can't seem to keep up with it, I do great for the first week maybe two if I am lucky and then I just fail and can't seem to pick myself back up.  I am a victim of my own mind and I want to change that.  I want to be in charge of my mind, I want to change how I think about myself and what I tell myself.  I want to have the strength to be able to stick to something for once in my life.  I guess I just have to take it one day at a time and send those negative thoughts to a different universe.  Does anyone struggle with this and how have you been able to overcome it?

A midst all of these negative things going on in my life and in my head there are some great things.  First, I have decided to go back to school.  I received my Associates long ago and have decided to pursue my dream of being a graphic designer and go to school for my Bachelor's in Graphic Design.  I am really excited!  It's terrifying, especially with our financial circumstance, to go back to school but I hope that when I am done I can bring in some money to help our family.  I am grateful for a place to live, my in-laws have been so great to allow us to live in their home and have been so patient with us.  We aren't the funnest people to be around right now because we are so mopey but we truly are grateful that we don't have to live on the streets! I am grateful for our health and that we don't have any sicknesses or diseases.  I am grateful for my job that I have and that I am able to bring in some money.  I am grateful for my church, The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day saints, without it I would be completely lost and a complete mess with everything going on.  I know that we have a Heavenly Father and that he loves us and is always here for us to share our burdens.  I know that he is mindful of us and will help us get through our trials in his time. I am grateful for family and friends who have been willing to help us by allowing us to have dinner with us and just to hang out with us.  Most importantly I am grateful to have my husband in my life.  He is my rock and helps me out more than I deserve.  He is so understanding and deals with my mood swings.

What I Hope to Happen This Week...

I have been m.i.a from Weekly Wishes Monday and my life has seriously been affected from it. I notice that the weeks I have a plan set for myself go much smoother than the weeks I don't have a plan. So here is to hoping I have a good week!

 Wish #1: We are moving somewhere this weekend and my first wish is to have my apartment all packed up by Thursday so that my husband can start moving stuff on Thursday. The reason why I say somewhere is because my husband has a job opportunity in Kansas and we are really hoping he gets it but it isn't for sure. So if he gets the job we will move our stuff into our storage unit and then I will move in with his parents while he is out figuring our life out there and until I can quit my job. If he doesn't get the job then we will move into our previous town home that we are struggling selling and then figure out where to go from there.

 Wish #2: Is the same wish I have for myself every week, work out every day. When I had this as my goal I did much better than when I didn't write goals.

 Wish #3: Have a happier attitude about life. Whatever may come our way I will take it with a smile and be happy for what I have been given.

 I am struggling a little bit the start this week so I think the is a great start to my goals.  I think I will do a check in at the middle of this week to see where I am at.  I like being able to have somewhere to hold myself accountable.

Our Love Story: The Wedding!

If you missed the story of how we met and our engagement you can read them here and here.

 Before I talk about our wedding here are some pictures that I took for my bridals.  I had to reschedule them twice, once for weather conditions and the second time I got the flu.  We did them in January, I believe, and it was freezing cold, my arms would go numb a little bit and I got used to the cold and continued shooting these beautiful pictures.  I was so happy with how they turned out.

 I want to take a minute and talk about how I found my beautiful dress.  I wanted to have my mom there, of course, and Derek's sisters and sisters-in-law, as well as my best friend and her mom and my cousin who were all part of the wedding party there for when I found my dress.  We all met at David's Bridal in Layton and I tried on dresses.  It was so fun to have everyone there and have them help me pick a dress.  I saw this dress online and instantly fell in love with the red in the train and felt that it was perfect for a Valentines Day wedding and luckily they had it at the store so I was able to try it on.  My mom didn't like it at all at first and wanted me to try other dresses so we picked a couple and I went and tried them on.  I started with my favorite which was the one with red in it.  Everybody loved it and loved that it had the red in it but my mom was still a little hesitant.  So I promised her I would try the other ones.  They were all gorgeous dresses but my heart was still with the red one and my mom later agreed.  I knew from the beginning when I saw it online that that dress was the one that I HAD to have, it just took convincing my mom a little to get it.

Our beautiful wedding day took place on a cold Valentines Day 2009.  It snowed a little bit in the morning but turned into a beautiful day by the afternoon.  We got married in the Salt Lake City Temple fairly early in the morning.  I was actually glad to be married early in the morning because by the time we were done the bridal room inside the Temple was so crazy packed that there was hardly any room to get ready.  The time finally came for my husband to see my beautiful dress, I wish I would have had someone take a picture because he facial expression when he saw was the most precious thing.  He was amazed at how beautiful I looked.

We finished taking pictures at the temple with family and then by ourselves, it snowed a little bit while we were doing pictures and so some of them didn't turn out because we had snow flakes in our faces but most of them turned out great.  After we were finished taking pictures we headed off to our luncheon.  We had it at a local church in Farmington.  The food was delicious but the desert was even better.  We had mint brownies and they were absolutely delicious!  We had quite a break between the luncheon and when we had to be at the reception for pictures so we decided to go back to our apartment that was now OURS and take a "nap", no really we took a nap too lol.

Our reception, held at The Grand Ballroom in Bountiful, was beautiful and full of family and friends that congratulated us on our big day. We were so grateful for the love and support that we had and couldn't have felt more loved.  Our wedding cake was gorgeous!  It was red velvet cake with white cream cheese frosting.  We also had words that pertained to wedding written all over our cake with white frosting then red roses in between layers.  I loved it and it tasted so yummy!  Here are a few pictures taken at our reception of our families.

My Family                                                                                          Derek's Family

 

Sometimes I wish we could go back to that day and relive it all over again, better yet I wish I could still fit into that dress! One day...

Do you wish you could relive your wedding day?  How did you find your dress?  What was your favorite part about your wedding?

One of those days....

You know when you are having one of those days when everything just seems off?  Like when you are getting ready for the day and you have a specific outfit in mind but then you put it on and it just doesn't work the way you wanted it to? Today has definitely been one of those days.  It's so hard to think that it will be a great day when it starts off that way.

Then my most amazing husband rushes in like a superhero. This morning when I was going through my crazy thinking and struggling with myself, he grabbed me and told me to look and at him and repeat after him.  And this is what he said, "I am beautiful.  I am sexy.  My husband loves me more than anything" (there was one more that I won't post on here because it's not appropriate). I repeated after him with the biggest smile on my face as he went through each one. He is the most amazing husband ever and I am so grateful to have him in my life.  It is amazing how his smile and encouraging words can change my outlook on the day and myself.

Do you ever have days like this?  How do you overcome those feelings?